Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour

:icontheweaselman: More from TheWeaselMan

More from deviantART


Submitted on
July 22, 2004
File Size
12.1 KB


3 (who?)
These are global physics laws, detailing the science of possibly the most interactive game genre ever: the first person shooter. It is continually updated, and includes tactical and stealth oriented games (for the most part) as well as some third-person shooters. Also included are any mods that were published as seperate games (Counter-Strike, Gunman Chronicles, etc).

1. "HOOF!"
Whenever a character is jumping, they must always make a grunting sound, otherwise they do not jump very high. (EXCEPTIONS: Most LithTech games, most Build games, RtCW, Half-Life, SoF series, Halo, among others)

2. Incredibly Large And Gigantic Freakin' Gun 9,000,000,000,000
There must always be an overly powerful weapon (compared to the rest of the player's arsenal): eg. the BFG9000, Wolfenstein's Chaingun, Quake's Rocket Launcher, or SiN's Quantum Destablizer. (EXCEPTIONS: Half-Life, Quake 1, "realistic" games, Duke 3D, Heretic)

3. SiN's Principle
Every game has at least one swear or harsh word in it. Postal 2 and Kingpin in particular. Note that this also includes taking the Lord's name in vain, and the word "hell" in all contexts. (EXCEPTION: Chex Quest)

4. "I Can NEVER Die!!"
Any boss you encounter must not show any signs of weakness. No matter how many bullets/slugs/rockets/BFG blasts you pump into a boss, they never show signs of serious injury until they are dead. (EXCEPTIONS: Quake 2)

5. Sticky Feet
When climbing a ladder, you still have full access to your limbs for things like reloading, opening doors, moving crates, or kicking things (RtCW single-player); while one foot is firmly planted on the ladder at all times. So, in essence, you're hopping up the ladders. (EXCEPTION: Medal of Honor: Allied Assault, crouching up ladders in Half-Life, Rainbow Six series, Splinter Cell. ALMOST EXCEPTION: RtCW [fall if you look more than 45 degrees away from a ladder])

6. Reload Magnitude
Depending on how powerful a weapon is, that is how long it takes to reload. (EXCEPTIONS: RtCW, No One Lives Forever)

7. It's NOT what's inside that counts
A grenade can sound like it is incredibly light or heavy, but this has no effect whatsoever on its flight patterns, damage, or splash damage. Examples: Unreal, Quake/2/3, RtCW

8. Not-Secrets
A secret is almost always found by hitting a switch, stepping on a pressure plate, or directly using the secret door. (EXCEPTION: RtCW, Dark Forces series)

9. Even the enemy didn't know
Secrets are typically devoid of enemies, friendlies, or signs of life in general. (EXCEPTION: Spear of Destiny [Map 2's vine-maze], Catacomb 3D trilogy)

10. Optical Sighting
Your weapon is typically mounted on (of all places) your face. Where you look is exactly where your ammo ends up. Also, instead of using the sights on the weapon itself, or the scope on the rifle, you use your own crosshair implant (seen in any game since Duke Nukem 3D). (EXCEPTIONS: Soldier of Fortune 2 [rifle scopes], America's Army, Operation Flashpoint, Call of Duty, Raven Shield [scopes])

11. The Brother Rule
When the main character has an African-American sidekick, the said sidekick will die near the end of the game, and you swear revenge against the person who killed him. I am sorry if I have spoiled the endings of games like Daikatana, but that gives you less of a reason to play them. (Originated from Colin Williamson)

12. Ghostly Limbs
No matter how many shots you take in a particular body part without dying, this will not impede your performance in any way, aside from the fact that it hurts. (EXCEPTIONS: Deus Ex, Lethal Tender series)

13. Look, I'm hiding!
Generally, "stealth" means "keep behind the enemy and don't make noise". Some games are only "keep behind the enemy", allowing you to practically stomp on the hard metal floor while sneaking behind enemies. (EXCEPTIONS: No One Lives Forever series, RtCW, SoF series, Thief series)

14. "All those laps around the track cetainly paid off!"
Your character can run any distance, jump any number of times, climb any number of stairs and ladders, and fall any distance without any penalty in their performance (loss of health aside). (EXCEPTION: RtCW, Day of Defeat, Operation Flashpoint)

15. Extra Weight Training
Bosses are ALWAYS at least one of the following over another character:
* Bigger
* Fatter
* Cool-looking
* Owner of a more powerful weapon
(EXCEPTIONS: Vinnie Gognitti [Max Payne], Pierre [NoLF2])

16. Prepare to Die
You can always tell that you are about to fight a boss, no matter how ordinary-looking they are. This includes dialog, ominous sounds, musical cues, episode/level number, or current location/name of current location. (EXCEPTION: Descent series, except 3)

17. I'm faster than you!
You can always run at a faster speed than the average human being. The Quake Guy, for example, can run almost 45MPH. They can also always go faster, whether it be from an engine exploit (strafe-running), intended feature (Sprint [RtCW]), or power-up (Haste [Quake 3]). (EXCEPTION: Catacomb 3D trilogy, Lethal Tender series, SoF 2)

18. I'm getting sea-sick
Player's view-bobbing effects (if present) are always over-exaggerated, to the point of making at least one person sea-sick. (EXCEPTIONS: Most Build games)

19. Pistol Shooting ACTION!
You always begin the game with a pistol and/or a melee weapon of some sort. (EXCEPTION: Half-Life, Quake's boomstick, Medal of Honor: Allied Assault, any game that you pick your own equipment [[ex: NoLF series]])

20. I hate this *$@! pistol
Usually, once you find a machine gun/shotgun/other advanced weapon lying around, there is no reason to switch back to your initial weaponry aside from personal preference, or stealth reasons. (EXCEPTIONS: Half-Life's crowbar, Doom's Berserk pack)

21. Obvious Allies
Any game that requires you to rendezvous with or protect an NPC will usually look much different from everybody else; or give you some sort of visual clue to prevent you from shooting at them. (EXCEPTION: Blake Stone's informants)

22. Not-So-Fresh Air
Typically, you will have to go through air vents at least once in the game. You can usually do so at a much faster rate than usual, and never will you actually go prone - the average air vent is large enough to accomodate a crouching person, or in some cases, standing. (EXCEPTIONS: Doom, any game that isn't relatively modern day in setting ie. Hexen)

23. Mission Possible
Almost never will a mission objective change in game to reflect something that has gone wrong. (EXCEPTIONS: No One Lives Forever, AvP 2, Die Hard: Nakatomi Plaza, Halo)

24. Slow Death by Lava Submersion
Whenever you are swimming in hazardous waste/lava/acid, you take damage in installments, and always at the same intervals. Applies to drowning underwater as well. Written example: "AAGH! *pause* OWWW! *pause* AAGH! *pause* AIIEE!" (EXCEPTIONS: Quake 2, No One Lives Forever)

25. Armorer's Conspiracy
Whenever the game issues you equipment every mission, you will always start with a weapon that is inferior to the weapon that the enemy is carrying; ex. if enemies have plasma guns, you get an assault rifle; if they have assault rifles, you get a pistol; etc etc etc. (EXCEPTIONS: RtCW Mission 3 Part 1, Deus Ex, Tactical shooters)

26. Lara's Principle
When you play as a woman, your character is always unrealistically attractive, dressed in revealing clothing, incredibly athletic, or all of the above. (EXCEPTIONS: Ophelia and Gabrielle [Blood 2], Joanna [Perfect Dark], Lucy [Quake 3])

27. Intermission - Snacks and Drinks Availible in the Lobby
When a game has an obvious level system (ie. exit buttons), whenever you complete a level, you are presented with an intermission that shows you exactly how you did on the level in terms of kills, secrets, powerups, etc.

28. Why do they even need help?
If a game has enemies that kill NPCs or friendly characters, the NPCs have obscene amounts of health to give you ample time to save them; however when YOU shoot them, they go down easily. (EXCEPTIONS: Jedi Knight 2 (Jan), Medal of Honor: Allied Assault [all your friends are immune to your ammo], Tactical shooters)

29. It's so hard to fling good kelp these days
(This is synonymous with the Brother Rule) If you have a partner, they will die at some point in the game. (EXCEPTIONS: Daikatana (Mikiko), SiN (JC))

30. Caffienated War Machine
Any sort of status effects (ie. sleeping gas, poison darts, etc) will affect the player less than they affect other characters, unless a script calls for it. (EXCEPTION: Tranq darts in Deus Ex)

31. Abuse of a Corpse
No matter who or what they may be, you may desecrate any corpse indefinately with no effects whatsoever. (EXCEPTIONS: SoF series, NOLF [GAME OVER: You desecrated Bruno's corpse!], Quake 2, Deus Ex, any animals in Postal 2)

32. Incredibly Blunt Knife
Melee weapons are typically weapons of last resort because of their incredibly low damage. (EXCEPTIONS: Half-Life's crowbar, Opposing Force's pipe-wrench, the knives in the SoF series)

33. Prop Computers
Computer terminals are, essentially, glorified switches, in the sense that you can use them, but you can't actually USE them. (EXCEPTION: Sin, Deus Ex)

34. Wailin' Smithers
Characters will still be able to use their vocal chords, regardless of whether such chords are present or not (ie. if they have been decapitated).

35. Your Style Needs Work
Melee weapons always attack with the same one to three attacks, including alt-fires. There is no way to control which of the attacks you use (except altfires, of course). (EXCEPTION: Oni, Heretic 2, Jedi Knight series)

36. Man, This Stuff Is Light!
You can carry an infinite amount of weight without being impeded in any way, ie. carrying a rocket launcher and 100 rockets plus a double-barreled shotgun and 100 shells will still allow you to keep up with somebody who is carrying nothing. This does NOT include artificial ammo/armor/weapon limits. (EXCEPTIONS: Xybots [Atari, 1989, Arcade])

37. Summoning
Weapons do not appear on your person unless you are using them. In addition, heavy weapons (ie. bazookas) do not affect your performance unless you are wielding them. (EXCEPTIONS: Rainbow 6 series, Operation Flashpoint, C&C Renegade)

38. Your ILAGFG9000000000000 Does Not Affect Me!
There is always at least one enemy that requires several shots of the most powerful weapon in the game to kill (often having enough health to withstand as many shots as can be generated with the player's ammo limits). (EXCEPTIONS: Tactical shooters)

39. Taste the Blade of My Butter Knife!
Rarely will your character ever fight with their bare hands. There is always some sort of melee weapon that you can use - an axe, a chainsaw, a cleaver, a dagger, a freakin' tuba. They always give you something to fight with. (EXCEPTIONS: Doom, SiN, Shadow Warrior; taken from "Quake in Real Life" video)

40. ILAGFG Ammo, Everywhere <submitted by DoomRater>
No matter how rare a given weapon is, you'll find ammo for it just lying around everywhere.

41. Don't Trip Over The Ammo <submitted by DoomRater>
Ammo will just be lying around on the floor, in plain sight, and takes little to no effort to pick it up. (EXCEPTIONS: Tactical shooters, Deus Ex/System Shock series)

42. Padded Air Ducts <submitted by DoomRater>
Crawling through air ducts will never get the attention of the enemy, no matter how loud your stomping is. (EXCEPTIONS: Medal of Honor Allied Assault, Die Hard Nakatomi Plaza, Half-Life [scripted]).
A year in the making, this was based on "The Laws of RPG's" and its later successor, "The Grand List of Console Role-Playing Cliches". I gathered everything that doesn't quite make sense in FPS games, every consistent thing, and every exception (not all of them, though). Since I haven't played EVERY shooter on the market, there may be some things missing in terms of exceptions. But let's get on with it!

UPDATE 8/15/2004: Three new laws, as submitted by DoomRater.
Add a Comment:
Lioyd-Irving Featured By Owner May 3, 2009
Quite a lot of these are worthy of a TV Tropes article.

...(I'm not doing it)
Caligari-87 Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
Heh, this is awesome; I can't believe I didn't see this before. I'll definitely come back here when I finally get into professional game design and make The Next Greatest Thing. :+fav:
CheapAlert Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2006   Digital Artist
Where there's a barrel, there's a monster.
doomrater Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2004
40 could be the IDKFA one (no matter how rare your weapon is there will always be ammo lying around in the middle of nowhere, even if there should not BE ammo around in the first place- this one was in an RPG "They'll do it everytime") and 41 of course, the storyline (You're an invasion force of one, because all your support has died off.) By the way, Doom does give you something else besides your fists later on ( chainSAW!) and Duke Nukem doesn't punch in 3D- he KICKS. So he doesn't have to use his bare hands either. Oh and 42- kinda goes along with two of the other ones mentioned- no matter what, moving through that air duct will not alert any bad guys, despite moving around in an air shaft like that would be very loud. There ya go!
nursenikki Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2004  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh my gosh - what great thinking. XD You sum it up perfectly!

I love 7. :P!
Schizoclam Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2004
LOL, this is so true. I never even realized the ladder thing before now. Good shtuff here.
JackLeaf Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2004   Writer
40. Rollign weapons on the ground, 41. Why am I alone? ;)

Good job, though the "EXPECTIONS" make it rather irriatating. IMO, if you delete them this would be better, because it's humor, not serious.
Add a Comment: